Forgive My Failings
I am weak. Help me to be stronger…I try to remember you and to seek you every day, but lately, things keep getting in the way. Lord, my best friend’s mom is terminally ill, my own mother has been depressed and sick for years, my brother is so depressed he is dropping out of college, and my family is living from paycheck to paycheck. Help me be there for them, and help me be strong for them, because I am weak, and I have my own struggles on top of it.
Lord, I feel so selfish telling you my grievances on top of all of these things, but I have to because I need help, too. Every day I struggle with feelings that I am not good enough…not for school, not for life, not for a girlfriend. I can’t focus on my schoolwork, and I stopped taking my medication months ago because it made no difference in how I perform in school or how I feel…and for a while, I was even doing well. Some days are better than others…some days I can be driven and optimistic. Some days, I can’t move forward I’m so defeated and anxious and depressed. Lately, all I’ve been is unfocused and miserable.
I tried to talk to an old friend who lives far away in the hope that we could have a romantic relationship…why, I don’t know. I just needed to give it a shot. Had to. In hindsight, this is the worst time to even consider something like that, which is probably why we can’t even seem to click in friendship right now. I just get so nervous and anticipate rejection, and it screws everything up.
Lord, I know I am a sinner. Please forgive my sins and forgive my failings, and help me to be stronger. Bless my family, bless my friend and his mother, and fill them all with joy.
I know You are near…
Image by zubrow (CC BY-NC 2.0)