me again

Dear God
Sunshine was pretty today.
My baby is so cuddlely.
Forgive me for wanting to go home.
I just want curl up in ball and never move again.

I have not recognize myself since the ipl damage appeared.
I am not seeing a way out.

The damage is getting worse, since off accutane
I have been battling this IPL crap for 532 days and counting
I have been praying night and day for some kinda relief, a healing, comfort and insanity whatever helps me through this. I just can not do this too much longer.

I am hanging for another couple months for husband sake.
Forgive my sin that got me here in the first place.
Forgive sin of weakness and what i am thinking
I am not strong enough.

I was so stupid and trusting, satan bit me.
No I can barely get through each day
I do not want to try anything else, am too tired.
I prayed quietly, loudly, begged and pleaded, I am at end my rope.
My heart broken.
My soul is withering away
Please have mercy on my soul.
Hardly anything left in here that was once me.
I am sorry was not better person, I am sorry I was right with you for long.
Please end test, I fail. I admit it.
Take me home. I want to go very soon. i am ready.
Scared of pain.
Even if i am not good enough for heaven and just turning off light to pain is okay with me.
keep my baby happy and living along life without me if i go soon.
I love my family very much.
i just made bad mistake that keep getting worse and running energy.
i am living a life of darkness now, IPl and light do not go together
HElp me plx, talk to me plz
I can not do this
in jesus name
Amen