Me Agian Crying gently this morning

Hi God
You have given me so many blessings, my mistake/sin has ruined me Dec 2013.
I get some hope of healing and loose it.
I prayed for swift release after my husband sells our house and baby is christian.
I pray my husband can take good care of our baby if my prayer is answered.
I know it could be worse, but I feel As if I am not in here anymore, just remnants of love for family.
My husband started going to Church.
I really was not church go er before this, I always talking to you on my own was enough.
But i go for support eventhough i feel I can not tell other about my mistake.
Angela Walker and few others there can tell what IPl does to the soul.
Not device when your son was here. A BAD THING.
If only i had known how my soul would have been impacted I would have walked away.
I know i should have read your signs
forgive me, forgive me forgive me please.
Honestly I look and prayed for you everywhere, night day through every mode of communication.
but i still am not strong enough to endure bullshit anymore, you know what i have dealing with.
I know i am weak and pathetic, i am sorry .
Forgive me pester you night and day
Strength and healing please.
Guidance on how to handle the mess I made.
Not sure i will last much longer.
Holding out til the house is sold.

Also help my brother find a job. I know you will.
In Jesus Name Forgive me