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Struggling to be good

Dear God,

I love you so very much, but I am afraid I have not shown that very well this past year. You know I am in my first relationship with a boy, and it has become very serious. It is serious in a lot of the good ways- he is steady, kind, and thoughtful; we are loyal, we talk a lot, and we care deeply for each other. But we fell into sin. And it’s so very heavy to lift ourselves out of the hole we dug for ourselves. We began having sex, not something that either of us ever intended or wanted to do for all the right reasons. We knew it would complicate the relationship. We knew it was sacred and holy. We knew it was meant for a man and a woman to become one person. We were strong Christians who had a good relationship with you. But one thing led to another, and it has been hard to stop. There are so many reasons why we should stop! I am in college and can’t afford to get pregnant, and neither of us are ready to raise a baby. We are too selfish to commit that act of utter selflessness. I am hurting the trust of my family- I love them so much and could not bear to know what they would think of me. I am hurting my relationship with my boyfriend- we plan to get married, but will our relationship be just as full and holy as it would have been without our sin? What if we don’t get married- he will have to tell his wife about me, the woman who took a part of something sacred meant for only him and his wife. Most of all, it is hurting my relationship, as well as my boyfriend’s relationship, with you, God. Dear Lord it makes me so sad, so unbearably unhappy that I have hurt you this way. I can’t even count how many times I have told you that I would stop, and then I broke my vow to you. I know that I have caused you so much pain, and suffering. I want to come back into your arms so badly, but I am afraid of promising you my vow of chastity and then breaking it. Dear God, please help me. Please guide my boyfriend and I back into your arms so that we may walk in the light, on the path you have laid down for us. Please help us to become the Christians you put us on the earth to be, so that we may glorify you in all your wonder.

I love you with all my heart-

Emily

photo credit: Ariadna Bruna

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Prayer published on February 28, 2014 , by an anonymous person

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Comments

  1. Don February 20 - 1:34 am

    Emily,

    To sin is human… To ask forgiveness and repent is what the bible teaches and in reality it can be very difficult with sexual sin. There are many ways to deepen your relationship with your boyfriend and also with God through deep, intimate communication. Creating a scenario where each time you have sex leads to guilt will only destroy the beauty of the interaction. Talk to each other and pray together… This is not the end of the world… It’s a new beginning in creating love… Jesus already forgave you… He loves you both and will strengthen you both once you have made a free will decision to follow Him on this issue.

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