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The oil to my lamp is running dry

Dear God,

I’m lost, I don’t know where you are, I have lost my faith, my hope, my dreams. I feel like I’m floating on a river on a starless night. Ever since my second semester of my senior year of high school everything has gone wrong and I couldn’t find you anywhere, I still can’t see you. I found out my girlfriend was moving that semester to the other side of the country, it broke my heart. I prayed to you every night, begging and crying and weeping that you would have her stay – then I graduated high school and I’ve asked for guidance through college as I begin the journey, but still no answer with only one week left of my first semester of college, a whole year later. It’s becoming harder and harder to keep my head up. My depression is bad. Some days I drive home and wonder just how much easier it would be if I just went as fast as I could and ran into a pole or a building, just ending it in the hope that you would forgive me, but I know you wouldn’t – you also know I can’t forgive you. You have just left me to die alone never speaking, never showing your face, and never caring what happens. I loved you so much. You gave me the love of my life and I praised you for it. It became a part of my testimony, about what a great GOD you are. But where are you now? You just let her go, let her move with no answer, no meaning, no help, and no guidance. I’m running out of the faith that is the oil to the lamp that is the light of my life. If you are out there GOD, if you care, if you love me, please, please, I beg you, help me… In your son Jesus’s name I pray to you, amen.

-Tyler

Image by Marina K Caprara (CC-BY)