Hoping for the Hopeless

Dear God,

I know you answered my prayers, that answer seems to be a big no. I’m still angry with your answer, because I believe my intentions are real and selfless. Why would you not grant these I ask, there, I did not get answer. I am more lost than before because of these, more lonely and more miserable. Honestly, I have been living like a soul less man since your answer. I go on with life alive, but not living. I am so down and out that I no longer look forward to the days that come, things that happen around me. I’m shutting down, emotionally I am so tired I can’t seem to feel anything anymore other than the disappointment I have with your answer to me. Life is no longer worth living, you have taken away the center of my life, the meaning of my existence. I can no longer feel happiness, all that is left is the sadness and anger that I feel. I turned to you with hope but I felt that you turned me down. Despite of this, I still think of the prayers I made, still hope that somehow you would change your mind. I know it’s hopeless, having already given an answer, but it calms me down, anger lessens, flicker of happiness appears every now and then, not nearly as soulless.

I wish this is not falls hope, I’d be more devastated if it were. I am hoping for the hopeless, praying for the impossible. I wish they don’t turn empty in the end. I feel less dead with them, they get me through every second, every minute, every hour of every day. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to though, I am getting tired, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It’s getting harder and harder to wake up each day. I am sorry if I am angry, but better that than pretending I am happy, but deep inside, I am actually dead. Hear my prayers, allow them to happen Lord. You know them, because they are my life, my meaning. Until then dear God…