God

God,
there are times when i feel like i should be honest with myself. there are times when i know that things are not right. there are times where i know that i’m in denial. those negative emotions, i can tell clearly whether its there or not. but why is it so hard for me to tell whether its real when i smile. i feel like i have not been truly happy for a long time.
i smile infront of others, even when i feel like i want to die. i hide those things from my family.
i’m afraid that this depressing feeling will stay, and i dont want that to happen.
I pray for happiness. please. God. please.