God, Please heal this cancer. I cant take much more of it.

Dear God,
This illness is killing me, Not just physically but in every way. Its making me doubt my faith, and one thing i did not want to loose is my faith, even if I loose to this battle of cancer. For over a year I’ve been crying out to you. To hear your voice for your healing hands to touch me, Or at least speak to me, Just hearing your voice would change so many things, As the days the go by life gets harder, I used to have hope I’d make it through this fight. But I don’t anymore, Life is just hurting me now. I love you so incredibly much and you’ve given me dreams and burdens, A heart to help people and live a life serving you and Just loving people, If I’m meant to die, Why Do I still have these deserves and dreams from you stronger than ever ? I can no longer plan for the future, Not even a month ahead because my mind is so full of doubt, The Pain is getting to much to handle, i’ve never felt so much pain, Its to much for my body to handle, At times I think of taking my life Just to get out of the pain for a second and get to see you, Hear you finally.  I’m 17 I’m not suppose to be thinking about death and living like this, I cant keep living like this, Its eating me away. I used to love waking up, everyday was a blessing, But now I don’t see it as that It just feels like another long day of pain . Because I don’t know how bad it is, It plays on my mind more. Its ruined so many relationships, plans and Goals. Im scared to leave my family, I cant be away from my Grandparents, They mean everything to me, And If i have to keep hiding this and being in tournedos pain then thats what I will do,  God I’m not asking you to heal me for me, Im asking for you to heal me for your glory, Your all that I live for, I would of given up a long time ago if it wasn’t for you, Im crying out to you for healing, and just to feel you, I need you more than I’ve ever needed you, or anything. I cant handle this anymore, To be in so much pain where i’d even risk my life just to ease the pain a little , is terrifying. God I cant pretend everything is okay anymore, Because living in denial is no longer safe, or helping. Please heal me or take me home . I cant handle this 🙁 Take it away.  I love you so much, Your all That I need and I’m holding onto you through this, Please Help me papa .