All is riding on this

Dear God,

I stand at a crossroads. Down one path, as you already know, is ruin: everything I’ve worked for (and sadly also squandered, through mistakes and faults that are no one’s doing but my own) in ruins with no obvious path “home.” Down the other, salvation: my having, against all odds, a way to support me and my child and provide a decent life and home and some small modicum of happiness to me, but most of all, her. 

Please help me find the inner strength and resolve and ability and determination to see me and my child down this second path toward redemption, especially these next hard and crucial weeks for the road is so steep and difficult. And I need your help, as I have made so many mistakes, and owning to years of such faults, I don’t know if I can do it and am deeply afraid. Indeed, I sometimes worry I can’t possibly and that this test is designed merely as a punishment for all that is past. Please help me, both to forgive this past, so I can have the strength to move forward, into a new and better life, which now potentially awaits me, and most of all, my daughter, so I can be the mother she needs.