dear God,

Lord, idk why this is happening to me, but i am worrying Lord. I know I’ve accepted the fact that you are the one in control of my life, but why does my emotions feel the exact different? Lord, I trusted You but why does it seem that now, that is the hardest thing for me to do? Whenever people rub it in my face that i am not in school, nor that I am not in the place where I’m supposed to be, I feel helpless. Lord, help me to trust You in this. I told You that I do but for some odd reason, it doesn’t feel right. Why am I still hurting Lord? If I’ve truly accepted Your will in my heart, how come it still bugs me what my situation is? Lord, I’m sorry I’m complaining to You like this… Lead me Lord. Help me not to be like this cuz I hate it. I hate saying that I trust You but I feel different. I don’t wanna worry about my future, about the plans that obviously You have already planned for me but my humanness takes over, my emotions and thoughts get the best of me sometimes. AND I HATE IT because I should just be trusting You, I should not let all of these things affect me. HELP ME LORD. LEAD ME LORD. YOU’RE ALL I NEED RIGHT NOW.

Idk what the future holds. All I want is to finish school Lord. I really do, no matter what my conditions are right now, when no one seems to support me, esp during this time when in our eyes, it’s impossible. BUT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH YOU LORD. Let me hold on tight with this thought, because You are God, and I am not. 

Just lead me Lord, lead me. I love You. Let me trust You with this. Protect me from my selfish thoughts because it is You that matters. and no matter what, You have a reason for everything. It hurts to sacrifice the things that I want, but Lord, it is You that matters. Remind me of this everyday, that You are the reason why I wake up in the morning. I’m scared Lord. I can’t do this without You. I love You Lord. Amen.