Help direct me oh god.

Dear God,

I thank you for the things you have given me.

My son struggles to grow up at 21 so is often asking me for money.

My husband is a good man. Just went through his first treatment of stage 4 neck and throat aggressive cancer. We do not know of his prognosis until his next scan. I left my career to work at his business to help him. He is doing great now and is living his life in a very healthy lifestyle. We get scans every 3 months for 3 years. Now, I feel so unhappy in my job, I feel let down by my son, I feel used by my husband in the workplace because there appears to be no appreciation of the sacrifices I have made for anyone. I left my career to work in a blue collar setting with men who act like I don’t belong there. I have a college degree in business and I don’t feel successful or appreciated yet I was asked to work here to help.  I know it is un-Christian-like to be so self-centered. I should be grateful for what we have. Our business is doing just OK and in this economy, that  is something to be thankful for.  I was driving home the other night on a dark rural road and had an accident. My husband’s new car is totaled and he is angry at me. I understand. But I can’t help but resent him because all I have done for him is a lot – and my accident was a mistake!

Lord, I want to find a job where I can make enough money to travel and do the things I want to do. My husband doesn’t need me at the work place anymore.

I don’t want to leave my husband – but my husband is back on his feet and my son is learning through a counselor how to live an adult life and he does live on his own. If I traveled for a while everyone would be OK with it. I feel like I want to go out for a loaf of bread and keep on driving!  What can I do to either (1) make this happen? (financially) Or (2) be content where I am ? The latter sounds very unappealing right now.

Thank you. Your loving daughter in service. K