I Need to Feel Beautiful

Dear God, I need to feel beautiful. I need feel desired and wanted. Not in a sexual way, but in the way that I know I matter to someone. I know I matter to my parents and I’m thankful for that, I know not everyone has that. But I’m an adult now, an individual seperate from my parents, and I find myself feeling more and more like no one REALLY cares. Not in the way that if I was to disappear tomorrow they wouldn’t just go on about their life like I never existed in a matter of a couple days. God, for some reason You put me in this season of singleness, for what feels like forever. And I know You know what You’re doing, but I guess I can’t help but feel undesireable to be approaching my thirties and still in this season with no real potentials on the horizon. Every ounce of rejection by men just makes me want to crawl up into a hole…and I know it’s my insecurities that are probably stopping me from having a normal, healthy relationship instead of all these users. But how can I erase the past? How can I erase so many years of feeling ugly and unwanted? I know I’m no longer that child – many say I’m pretty – but I don’t know how to feel it on the INSIDE, and that’s what matters. I need to feel beautiful God, so I don’t feel like I NEED a guy anymore. Oh it’s all a huge mess. I don’t even know where I’m going with this prayer. But I guess it’s two-fold: On the one hand, I need to know who I am in You and feel beautiful on my own – and on the other, I truly wish You would bring the One into my life. I know I’m not ready for marriage, but just to have him as a friend with potential and then a boyfriend, by my side as working toward the goal of marriage over the next couple years would be amazing. I know Your word says I am fearfully and wonderfully made…help me to see it and truly believe it to the bottom of my heart. I love You…amen.