Me Again and Again and Again

Dear Lord
I come to you in Jesus name, I have been loosing hope and faith . No path seems clear.
I prayed via internet, handwritten prayer and verbally, so I must be doing something wrong.
I sorry do not pray eloquent as rest of the people.
I feel that my healing is not coming and I must accept this.
I ca not let it go and I see dryness as a glimmer of healing, this may be silly and fruitless to hope that this point.
Truthfully she should have finish me off that day she hurt me.
I wanted my baby to remember me as fun and crazy happy person I was,
not this person in despair.
I feel so selfish and hate myself.
The damage seems so bad, i just was want to heal enough i could live in the light again.
No doctor know how to help me or want to help me.
I am very lost.
I need guidance on what to next wait and try to fix it.
More I think about what to do or try fix it
the more I feel like I am making the same sin that got me here in the first place.
Forgive my many sins.
My soul is damage and I come to you ask what do I do now Lord.
I go through the motion everyday, hoping to feel good again or that you take me home soon.
I figure the worse case scenario is another 30-35 year sentence for me.
My hubby says he needs me.
I think you will help him.
what do I do now?
how do I do it?
Where can I find comfort?
Is there any what out this?
how do I hide my feelings from others, I am so obvious?
how do I what i must as a mother when dying inside?
why can i not understand?
I am so sorry about everything.
I am in trouble and I need your help.
amen