Night in white satin, never reaching the end…

Dear God

I was at the mall the other day. I saw people with their families. Wives and husbands, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters. I was sitting all alone at a restaurant and it struck me that that’s exactly what I did as a young girl. I’m now almost 40 and I still look at other people’s families. I still wish I was also a wife, mother, a daughter-in-law as I did in my twenties. At least it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, I’ve kinda gotten used to belonging to and with nobody. Lonely is now who I am not just how I feel. Against all hope in hope I believe you will give me a family some day but I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’ll be too old. I don’t cry as much any more, you have found a way to comfort me and for that I’m thankful. I take courage in the knowledge that there are so many women with no one to love them. I’ve made peace with your ways and your timing, even your purposes. So my heart is only breaking because that’s just what hearts do not because I doubt your love for me. You have been my father, mother, brother, sister, friend more and better that anyone could; thank you. Thank you that at the right time, in the right way you will give me a belonging. Until then teach me to find rest in you and to not forget that whatever is impossible with me is possible with you. If you don’t mind please let me know why it had to be this way; if it’s not too much to ask please help me to know why I’ve had to live most of my life without love amid so much suffering and oppression. You don’t owe me an explanation of course, you are God you do whatever pleases you. So it is with this in mind that I pray; ”Lord thine will be done.”