Dear God will my pain ever go away?
Hi God how are you? I know that You are a Good God and I do believe that You love Your children but God I hate my life and always have. As much as try to stay in Your Word I just never fit in anywhere. My entire life has been 54years of a lonely existance. See God even before I was born the woman who carried me for 9 months hated me cursed and punched her belly everytime I moved subsequently giving me up refusing to even see me at birth. I am however grateful that I was finally adopted by her sister and her brother in law(my parents) who are good people and love as best they could my whole life has been a lie, a joke and some kind of cruel stunt. I have never fit in and always have been on the outside looking in. Add to that some horrific infirmities and I cannot help but question my existance. I am alone, useless and just a nobody. Because of this anytime I have a friend I am so grateful I tend to give them my all and am easy prey to people with less than sincere motives so I gave up long ago on having any kind of relationship with men. Just out of my teen years I was spayed like a dog because of tumors so I am unable to have kids. I guess You knew I would not be able to care for a child and that I would have years of sickness ahead of me and I thank You for that. In fact I thank You for all things in my life. God , You know I am not a bad person so I am sking You to please help me. I won’t kill myself even though I did think of that but suicide is murder and You are the only One to decided who lives or dies and I cannot take a risk of going to hell for eternity when 54years here on earth has been enough of a hellish existance for me. God please understand I am not looking for any kind of anything special. I know it is only through Your Grace that I have salvation, but God I am tired of hurting for so long always alone on the outside looking in. Laying in bed each morning hearing the city come alive with people going to work and asking You “Why can’t I be one of those people? or walking down the street seing all the happy people around me and asking “Why can’t I have that, why can’t I have anything to laugh and smile about and have friends to go somewhere with? God I am sure You know me, I am the girl who walks down the street with her head hung low biting her inner lips so the tears won’t flow. I am somebody’s daughter, sister, cousin I am the girl always alone on the outside looking in holding on to the only hope that soem day I will die and maybe get a repreive form this pain. God I gave You my life a very long time ago and ask You the same thing everday to please guide me and direct me. I know I am not a bad person because I would give my last crumb to anyone in need. So please God send a little blessing my way cause I am still waiting on You.
In the Precious Name of Jesus I pray AMEN